oh Tori

I just ordered this


Happy Birthday to me

THE INSPIRATION FOR THIS BLOG (REPOST FOR NEW READERS)

I can thank Lifetime movies for a lot of things. Because of them I had a very distorted idea of what sex was until I actually started having it. Lifetime movies like to focus on topics such as (but not limited to) spousal abuse, rape, eating disorders, drinking problems, abusive mothers, abusive fathers, having an affair with someone else's abusive father, a boy spreading sphyllis to his whole school, pathological liars, and how pornography can ruin your life.

Lifetime never ruined my life, it only made me that much crazier. And I sincerely thank all of the movies from the bottom of my heart.

In this posting of "A Lifetime Original Blog" I'd like us to remember the great love story told in She Cried No


rapes

in






An old correspondence:


Ashley,
Kelly Kapowski, you are really lucky that Zack Morris didnt rape you. Later on (lifetime original) he rapes DJ Tanner at a fraternity costume party. I'll admit, DJ did have it coming- but not anymore than Kelly Kapowski.
Is this because D.J had a naturally round face, much rounder than Kelly's? Is it because she left her family behind in San Francisco and never called her sisters Michelle and Stephanie?
D.J's roommate also gets raped, but apparently she did not "cry no".

-Daniela


Daniela,

Kelly Kapowski got hers, too. At 1:15am last night on Lifetime, our dear Kelly was raped in her mother's bed by Jace, the leader of "the crew." Well, no one believed our Kelly when she tried to rat on Jace, and the entire small community of Lockwood, Ill turned against her; writing salacious remarks about Kelly all over the school bathroom, showing up at her house to scare her, making prank calls, even cutting off her hair (although I must admit it turned out quite cute.) Thank God Brian Austen Green finally saw the light and went from head tormenter to boyfriend within the course of a commercial break.In the end, Kelly goes off to junior college, leaving her loser small-town enemies behind, and promoting a slew of middle-school girls the world over to formulate rape fantasies of their own. The end.

-Ashley

Sex, Lies &Obsession

"Based on a true story. A happily married mother (Lisa Rinna) seems to have the perfect life. Her world is shattered when she discovers that her husband (Harry Hamlin) is a sex addict."


That little caption is from Lifetime.com my mind is BLOWN. I am currently reading the comments and everyone is saying things like "this is the best lifetime movie EVER" and asking when it will air again??

Okay, listen ladies, it will air again at my house whenever (I recorded it on DVR) and you can come over and watch it. During this time I will tell it to you like it is.

This is a cautionary tale not a fairy tale!!!

This is a Lifetime title with promise. In the early 90's, this title alone could have pushed the movie forth to be with other Lifetime classics (i.e Mother May I sleep With Danger?) but alas, it is 2009 and Sex, Lies &Obsession, which originally aired in 2001 is making it's second round.


SLO chronicles the life of a loving husband and father of two, Cameron. There is just one thing you see, a small catch. Cameron cannot keep it in his pants.



During the first thirty minutes we see him:

1)wake up in the bed one of his missstressses
2)look at porn
3)while Cameron is waiting at the airport to go on a "business trip" to see a Lady Friend in Pittsburgh, he catches the attention of a flight attendant (then they do it)
4) arriving at his hotel he figures he should kill some time before banging his Lady Friend so he asks the concierge "I have never been to Pittsburgh-- what are the areas of town I should arrive?"
as the man behind the counter tells him the streets to avoid, Cameron scribbles them down on hotel stationary and is out the rotating gold doors, hopping in a cab and giving the address
5)upon arriving in the bad part of town we see a lot of trash cans on fire and then a decrepit building with a flashing sign "MASSAGE" Cameron enters for some rub &tug




He returns with a gift for his beautiful wife, who has just found out she has been awarded "Teacher of the Year" lately Lisa has become a little suspicious of Cameron. Why all of these business trips? Where is he going?

Well, Joanna, today is Judgment Day

Cameron forgets his brief case, so Joanna drives to the hospital to deliver it to him like the doting wife she is.


BUT when she pulls up to the hospital....Cameron is driving away. How could this be when he had a surgery scheduled? Joanna follows him figuring he is probably going to Subway for a tasty foot long. To her shock and horror he pulls into a shady apartment complex and begins to make out with a blond woman.

Horrified, she goes home and waits. When Cameron finally returns Joanna makes a very un-lifetime move and kicks Cameron out of the house!!!!!!


Will he ever be let back in?

I'll let you know in Part 2


Okay....Part 2

the answer is: yes


What does cameron do when he gets home???

Has phone sex.

What does Cameron do when his son walks in??

makes him promise not to tell


When does Cameron finally get caught?

Well, a lot happens. Cameron drives to "the bad part" of town to pick up a prostitute. She is approximately sixteen years old &normally only sells The Dope but today she will make an exception. She leads Dr.Cameron down into a basement, he begins to unzip his pants, she is standing next to a table shaking &says "hold on a minute, I need to do something real quick." After she smoked crack, they "make love" and he hands her twenty-dollars. Twenty dollars, now that is a steal my friends.
He also gets beat up by her pimp &tells loving wife Joanna that the bruises are from the boxing gym.

But not soon after this is Cameron cruising the streets lookin' for some hookin' when he is arrested by an undercover cop posed as a lady of the night.
Who does he call to get him out? Joanna.

When she arrives at the station, the women behind the desk tells her he is in for SOLICITATION OF A PROSTITUTE dun da dun dun da dun dun da dun!!!!

Joanna is told "that's what all of these women are here for" she then sits down with a group of wives who are joking around about their silly husbands getting busted again. "I just hope they don't run their names in the paper tomorrow," one exclaims, as if her football team lost and she doesn't want anyone to know.

When Joanna is ushered back Cameron informs her that he didn't do anything wrong and asks for a ride home. Joanna (unlike Lifetime) does not forgive him and instead leaves us with this brilliant quote:

"you don't have a home......at least not with me you don't"

Ohhhh....burn...what will you do Cameron?

Well now shit gets crazy so let me just summarize. Joanna finds out that the apartment she drove to when she discovered the affair was in fact not the blond haired woman's but Cameron's own place! It is stocked with porn and playboy and plenty of condoms (aw, keepin it safe) sadly there is no sex swing. It seems that this is where Cameron brings back his lady friends (aka hookers). Joanna, cotarded, lies on the bed until Cameron walks in. Porn is playing in the background, and in a sense he seems sincerely sorry.

This is when Joanna disappoints me. She 1)does not kill him and 2) agrees to help him through couples counsling

While waiting to get an AIDs test a young girl in the waiting room tells Joanna she thinks her boyfriend is a "sex addict" Joanna who has apparently never heard the term stops and pauses "sex addict?" Could Cameron needing to get his tip wet at all times really just be an imbalance of the brain?

She decides "of course"

During couples counsling Cameron acts like a five year old and refuses to answer questions, leaving in his car and pouting. Cameron wont talk about his father and I was realllly hoping there'd be some great traumatic story but when the truth is revealed three sessions later all we learn is that Cameron's father too had affairs!

Now it all comes full circle, Joanna pities him and he agrees to take polygraph tests, admitting that he has had hundreds of lovers over the years but still loved her the most!!!

Joanna, you were always first wife. They live happily ever after


SO even if this is a true story like it claims to be this does not mean this is what anyone should do!! The trauma this causes their children and the example this sets about cheating be okay as long as we slap the term "sex addiction" on it seems complete insane to me.

Lifetime, you blew my mind. How is this possible? It was you Lifetime Television for Women that taught me not to blink an eye, to know a rapist when I saw him (every man I've ever met), to look for the money under the mattress, to find the poetry in throwing up) ohhhh LIfetime!! How could you???


from MarriageRestored.Com

Sex, Lies, & Obsession

I watched Sex, Lies, & Obsession last night. It starred Harry Hamlin & Lisa Rinna who are husband and wife in real life. They portrayed their characters well though Lisa's bad collagen job on her lips (not trying to be mean here. I am sure she is a good and lovely woman. I just don't see where she needed the bigger upper lip) was somewhat distracting.

The movie accurately portrays the life of a sex addict. Harry Hamlin plays Dr. Cameron Thomas, a man lost in his (seemingly) uncontrollable urge for sex. He has multiple partners come to his secret apartment. He visits peep shows, strip bars, watches porn on screen, print and internet and attempts to hide his secret life by constantly lying. He also puts on the facade of good husband and father though his wife can feel the distance.

The movie does an excellent job of capturing the sex addiction in the dialog. I don't know if it was great filmmaking but the essence of sex addiction was revealed. I am guessing it would have been a bit teachy for an academy film but, hey, films have many different purposes and this one accomplished its goal of showing the underlying factors and truths about sex addiction through story.

SEX ADDICTION IS NOT ABOUT SEX. It's a chosen means to fill a gaping emotional and spiritual void. This comes through loud and clear. In this movie one of the contributing factors was a young Cameron being confidant and secret keeper with regards to his father's constant infidelity.

The film showed an accurate depiction of the recovery process. Pardon my lack of verbs here. The lying. The lack of control. The unwillingness to admit a problem. Claiming a high sex drive. The continuation of the minimization, denial, justification and rationalization. Hitting bottom. Admitting a problem. Still dealing with minimization, rationalization, and justification. Resistance to feeling deeply. Not wanting to be labeled a sex addict. Sees that as a freak or pervert. Getting in a community where real honesty and questioning can begin. A total commitment to honesty with everyone especially his wife. Real emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy begins to take place. All this in a 3 steps forward, 2 steps back process. Those are the high points anyway.

The film showed an excellent picture of a 12-step recovery group. It really can be a supportive place where believed lies can be debunked and truths then owned. It can be a place where a friend comes when one is battling temptation on a street corner filled with prostitutes. It's a place where one can finally be real and will be called on his bullshit when it comes out of his mouth. It's a place one can be accepted in his or her struggle.

One final excellent point the movie made. The sex addict loves his wife. Even when he was with all the other women he still loved his wife. This wasn't about her. It was about his aching, gaping black void in his soul and finding temporary relief through sex. He didn't ever quit loving her.

Caveat, there are two brief displays of nudity when Cameron hits his bottom. This wouldn't be appropriate for a recovering sex addict in the early stages of his recovery to view. I think they could have been left out but I didn't make the movie.

I think this movie can be helpful for therapists, wives of sex addicts, friends of sex addicts and anyone who believes that sex addiction is about sex.

(P.S-- I had my man friend sit through this movie with me and at one point he asked of Lisa Rinna in horror 'what is wrong with her lips?' I told him I was pretty sure she'd had work done. Upon further research of course she has. And um, Oh my god, she is only 45? and this movie came out 8 years ago? so that would have made her 37???

The moral of the story don't get too much Botox or your husband will fuck the neighborhood)

mommmma

"Mother May I Sleep With Danger?"
is not only one of the greatest titles for a movie, but it is also one of the most quotable films to watch in syndication.




Tori Spelling: you drugged me....this is kidnapping

crazy boyfriend: no baby, this is a romantic vacation


and here is a bit of trivia from imdb.com

"Trivia for
Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? (1996) (TV)
* During the early stages of filming, Spelling was bitten quite severely by a tame pangolin being used in an adjacent production. In certain scenes, bruising from her rabies inoculations are clearly visible."



I have a fever of 101.3 degrees, I am watching Tori Spelling escape from her crazy boyfriend via paddle boat. I will start updating more again when finals are over!!

Until the answer to the movie title is "yes"

be well my pretty ones <3

A Face to Die For

So, it's Saturday night &I am utilizing all of the resources New York City has to offer me by laying on my couch and watch LMN.
I also ordered mozzarella sticks and may wonder to Union Pool at 2 AM, but that's a whole other blog and a whole other story.

So far I relate to Yasmine Bleeth's character who is a burn victim. I turned the movie on 10 minutes into it so I lost a crucial plot point but from where I picked up, she has a shitty boyfriend who wears a bandage on his face and tells her that if they rob her employer together he will love her and her deformed face forever.

Yasmine's, named Emily in said film, is employed by an old man who keeps a large safe. Emily's boyfriend convinces her that they will take all the money from the safe and then send the old man a check. The shitty boyfriend/husband shoots the old man, and Emily goes to prison for a crme she didn't commit!!

In the Big House Emily is tormented by everyone because hey she is deformed.

Note: She really doesn't even look that bad, she looks like Yasmine Bleeth with enlarged veins

Anyway, one day on the playground she gets the shit beat out of her which leads to her getting her already fucked face even more fucked. She's brought to the Prison Doctor who is vaguely hot in the Lifetime Rapist hot kind of way. He tells her he has a special surgery that he could do for her, it could be very risky though.

Skip to commercial break yadda yadda. Emily is brought to a mansion? where the surgery will be performed. The Doctor is wooing her and gives her new clothes in white wine and she is just all "golly gee me I am just the ugliest thing what did I ever to do to deserve such kindness?"

Well, Yasmine or "Emily" you were burned/scarred/mutilated as a child by your drug addict mother, you were tricked by your shitty bandage on his face boyfriend, and then you
went to jail for no reason....sooo I think it's fair to say that you deserve your luck to turn around.

And turn around it does...she awakes from the surgery and you will not believe it but, she has the face of Yasmine Bleeth.

Next on her list: VENGEANCE





I still have 45 minutes left to go.

today's movie schedule

Here is todays movie schedule from LMN.tv If I was you I would skip Forever Love &Verdict in Blood But highly consider recording Baby Monitor: Sound of Fear & caution: My Best Friend's Husband is actually not that good. Way too much moral conflict and not enough immediately having sex with your best friends husband. The only reason you should record this one is if 1) you are having sex with your best friends husband 2) you want to watch it with her and then 3) you want to say "so I've been meaning to tell you something" Thursday, September 25, 2008
10:00 am	Forever Love CC		4.5 of 5
12:00 pm	Her Best Friend's Husband CC		4.5 of 5
2:00 pm	The People Next Door CC		4.5 of 5
4:00 pm	Baby Monitor: Sound of Fear CC		4.5 of 5
6:00 pm	Christie's Revenge CC		4.5 of 5
8:00 pm	Moment of Truth: Justice for Annie CC		4.5 of 5
10:00 pm	Too Young to Die? CC		4.5 of 5
12:00 am	Verdict in Blood CC		3.5 of 5
2:00 am	American Tragedy CC		4 of 5
6:00 am	Verdict in Blood CC		3.5 of 5

wake up now OR life goes on

I never wanted to be a cheerleader. At least I have no memories of wanting to be a cheerleader. I remember after middle school orientation I did go in my room and practice dance routines but they were all to songs from that album by Aqua. I know that I didn't choreograph a song to "Barbie Girl" but the names of the other songs on the album now escape me. I have now remembered them via google:


Choreographing a dance to this song is actually as close as I ever came to wanting to be a cheerleader. After this phase I immediately started dying my hair pink and looked at that as enough. I didn't have time to be a cheerleader because I was mourning the death of Kurt Cobain, who had already been dead for years.

I was not really a teenager in the 90's, and it turns out because of this, I really lucked out. I could have ended up like Kelly Martin. You remember Kelly Martin? She was Becca Thatcher on one of the best shows ever, Life Goes On
it was years before I realized that the Life Goes On theme song was not written specifically for the show. You'll have to give me a break on this one, this was at the age of 5 or 6. But ANYWAY

Things really went downhill for Kelly Martin, not because her boyfriend was HIV positive or because her television show was canceled, but because Tori Spelling would not let her join the cheerleading squad:

husbands &haters

http://www.husbandsagainstlifetimetv.com/


From Husbands Against Lifetime:

My HALT Horror Story:

One day like any other day, I was innocently working up in my office. My wife was watching a Lifetime TV movie. A typical man-hating cheese flick where the wife catches her husband pulling a Lewinski with his secretary. The woman proceeds to take her revenge and take her husband to the cleaners. Of course making all men look lower then sludge in the process. This same premise is regurgitated in many different forms on Lifetime!

After the movie was over my wife promptly came upstairs to my office and wacked me across the back of the head saying "If you ever did that to me I’d give you a Bobbit and feed it to the dog". Naturally I recoiled at the thought of that. I proclaimed my innocence and cursed the wicked evil channel that is Lifetime TV!

And thus the seeds of HusbandsagainstlifetimeTV.com was born!

A few months later, again my wife decides to torture me by watching Lifetime one afternoon. This time she decided to invite a friend over to share in the pain. I make a hasty retreat to my office (I am a geek by trade after all). I come back downstairs after a bit and they are both on the couch crying. I grab something to drink and go back upstairs.

I come down stairs about 2 hours later and they are both still crying! "Man, what the hell is this movie about! You've been crying all afternoon!" I asked them.

They both replied "It's a different movie"!!

I'm waiting for the first woman to die from dehydration from watching Lifetime TV!! It's only a matter of time!!"

The first woman to die from Lifetime dehydration could very well be me.

Tori Spelling-- rebel? revolutionary?

Before we had collegecallgirl.blogspot.com and "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" playing on Showtime-- we had Tori Spelling starring in:

Now Co-Ed Call Girl is not a Lifetime Original Movie, it was made for CBS, but who cares? This one is definitely a classic.










Like all of us college girls, Tori finds herself strapped for cash. She meets a great group of people who own large beach houses and drive nice cars. And they tell her that all she has to do is put on the nice dresses they give her and go on out on dates with nice wealthy gentlemen. It seems she has really found her dream. This girl wont have to work at Dairy Queen over the summer.

Unfortunately, for Tori, she will have to put out. all the time. with everyone.

who knew?

When I was 13, I saw the movie Kids which convinced me that myself and almost everyone I knew would die of AIDs if we began fornicating. I was pretty sure even if I practiced safe sex, I would one day wake up on a couch with a boy singing "i'm casper the friendly ghost" and putting his HIV semen inside of me. This delayed my need to see a penis in real life for probably about 4-6 months

But these are modern times, and instead of scaring kids about the risks of HIV, lifetime has decided to move on to other STDS. Now I warn you, if you are under 18 and you are going to view these clips, they may delay your urge to see a penis in real life for 4-6 weeks.

I bring you: She's Too Young

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7


She's Too Young tells the tale of Hannah, and her best friend Emma from Degrassi. They are normal high schools crossed with the girls from the movie 13. What makes them unique is that they go on a rampage giving blowjobs (these oral experiences are basically forced on them, while fake rap songs play in the background) This leads to everyone in the school spreading around some pretty gross stuff. You honestly have to sympathize with Hannah, because she wants to make older boy Nick (Nick has a car and hair like he's on the original 90210) like her. Emma from Degrassi on the other hand, eh. Even though there is a priceless scene where she spends about forty-five minutes counting up her sexual partners. I feel ya girl, trust me I feel.



memorable quotes:

school nurse: you must be Nick

Nick: yeah?

school nurse: as you may know, you have been exposed to syphilis

Nick: okay? so give me my magic bullet &we're done here

school nurse: syphilis is a highly contagious disease, you may have infected others

Nick: You want names?

school nurse: that will be helpful

Nick: If you want my advice, you'd better stick them all....cause I probably did





Spoiler: Everyone gets syphilis, including Emma from Degrassi!!!



Youtube also provides us with fan music videos!!!





oh....to be 12 again